BONUS POST: Complaint follow-up

Below is the 'answer key' on the healthy versus harmful complaints, from the previous post.

It's pretty hard to remember all of these at the same time, so the experts advice you choose ONE type of complaint to avoid and one to try (when warranted). For example, I may recognize that I tend to stockpile complaints and commit to bringing them up one at a time.

Post #6 will be up by 6 PM EST today!

“We haven’t been able to afford a vacation in two years. Maybe we should work out a better budget.” – HEALTHY (Shares responsibility for the problem by using we)

“It’s all your fault we can’t afford a vacation. You waste our money on stupid things.”
HARMFUL (Blames the problem on the other person)

“I’m just more conservative about money and I think you spent too much for that pair of shoes.”
HEALTHY (Describes the problem in terms of the speaker’s perception/opinion)

“Anybody can see that’s too much money to spend on a pair of shoes.”
HARMFUL (Describes the problem as a matter of absolute truth)

“You set your glass on the coffee table last night and now there’s a ring.”
HEALTHY (Specific problem, one at a time)

“You haven’t done the laundry in two weeks, the lawn needs mowing, and you never cleaned the garage like you said you would.
HARMFUL (Stockpiling complaints)

“You never take me anywhere”
HARMFUL (Broad, sweeping statement)

“You said you would help Sean with his homework, but you’re still watching TV.”
HEALTHY (Focus on the present)

“You didn’t cook one meal the whole time I was putting you through law school.”
HARMFUL (Digging up past grievances)